CHOOSE ~ THE LONGINGS

Yesterday, during the morning service, at church, we sang this beloved hymn. What precious words Fanny Crosby penned. How often over these last few years has eternity and the loss of loved ones brought me back to the hope of a precious reunion with our loved ones.

Between Braelyn and Colby, we lost a baby early in my pregnancy. Drew named that precious one, Jason Lee. Healer from the sacred places. A brother for Drew because God answers prayer. Jason has never been forgotten. We still talk about him. Their brother in Heaven.

He has a tree planted in our back yard. A white lilac.

He has ornaments for our Christmas Tree.

A life verse...

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 138:15-16

A song....

....I can't imagine heaven's lullabies

And what they must sound like

But I will rest in knowing

Heaven is your home

And it's all you'll ever know

All you'll ever know

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you....

....You'll just have heaven before we do....

And even as I sang that song on repeat for days and then revisited for months and years, allowing the healing to wash over me, there was a piece of me that was not quite satisfied. A desperate desire to see Jason and a longing to hold him filled me. The sadness of this loss often overcame me and even today listening to his song and singing, with my eyes closed, tears run rivers down my cheeks. 

And yesterday as I thought on McKenna's sweet best friend that went home fourteen months ago, and my dear friend's granddaughter, two weeks ago, and Léo's co-workers son, last week. And it is easy to say, that we are just at that age. But these are young lives. Lives that leave holes and it hurts.

And I long to see those precious ones, whose place cannot be filled. And I don't exactly know how it all works in eternity but I know that my beloved ones are there and I can't wait to see them.

BUT that hymn gave me pause. I sang the words but I am challenged by them. 

1. Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
   And our parting at the river I recall;
   To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
   But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

"But I long to meet my Savior first of all." Do I?

'cause I know I can't wait to see my baby boy. and Aunt Linda. Abuella and Abuello and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends... So many loved ones that I miss. So many that will go home before this year is out. And for the rest of my days, there will be the loved and the lost and the longing.

But do I love these more than my Saviour?

The One who gave up heaven and sacrificed His life and prepares a place for me? My Redeemer. 

I never wanted to be "so heavenly minded that I was no earthly good" but am I so earthly minded that I lose sight of this? 

These are my ponderings...I CHOOSE that for which I long.