THE WORD I DIDN'T SHARE

Many of you know that I choose a "word for the year".

Reflect, choose, intentional, rest. I have been choosing words since 2009......or I should say, they choose me. Most often they are bound out in Scripture and leap off the page. 2020 was no different. This Psalm has been travelling with me for a number of years.

I was very familiar with the beginning of this Psalm and the end (maybe you are too). We have sang these praises and I am sure they were quick to your lips as your read them.

What I had  pondered was mostly this second section. 

"Even the Sparrow has found a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself

where she may have her young -

a place near your altar,

Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house:

they are ever praising you."

In fact, I had a plan for a necklace (because sometimes I wear my "word") - a nest with 5 pearl eggs, a bird charm and the word "dwell".

Then, I read further and this contrast jumped out at me:

We went from dwelling to pilgrimage?!?!? and BOTH are blessed?! and what?!?!

And THE word was pilgrimage and I knew. And I wasn't completely confident in what that meant but I knew it was mine. And for the first year after a decade of word-choosing, I wasn't excited about it.

PILGRIMAGE - a pilgrimage is a journey, often into an unknown or foreign place where a person goes in search of new or expanded meaning about their self, others, nature or a higher good, through the experience. It is often taken alone. It can lead to a personal transformation, after which the pilgrim returns to their daily life.

Okay, so I didn't  really LOVE and EMBRACE my word...at all...that is why I didn't share it or blog about it. I DON'T like change. Pilgrimage means moving and moving means change. A former boss used to say "If you always do what you've always done then you will always get what you always got."

Growing means change

Being transformed into the likeness of His son means change.

Pilgrimage means change.

So, at the beginning of 2020, I anticipated my word and how it would play out through the year (and I am usually VERY wrong) I recognized that my new job and planned travel for work makes for a lonely journey. Ottawa is a far away place and was still somewhat unknown. There were aspects of my job that were unknown. 

But, oh this year has provided even greater opportunities in "aloneness" than I could have ever imagined. Quarantining and travel alone and online meetings and virtual committee and hybrid Parliament and business closures and restaurants only offering take-out and limited staff in the office.

This pilgrimage has had some significant valleys.

Missing my niece and her husband.

Missing saying goodbye to Baby M.

Missing camp for the first time in 23 years.

Missing our American friends and family.

Missing church.

Missing connecting. 

All the holidays were changed - Easter, July1st, Thanksgiving, American Thanksgiving, Christmas and tonight, New Year's Eve.

We lost out on celebrating Brae's HighSchool graduation, Hosting the Homeschool Summer Kick Off BBQ and so many weddings and babies. I miss my people. 

In my travels, I took some time to seek out connection to the past.

Over the last little while I have been encouraged to take a bigger perspective than just the one to which I naturally default.

I tend to wallow in the valleys of life. Set up my tent and stay for awhile....

Sometimea a long while.

But this verse says they "pass through". They don't make this their home. 

They don't dwell. 

They keep moving.

And what do they do while passing through? "They make it a place of springs".

They do something productive. Dig a well. Not only for refreshing for themselves but for those that come behind.

They go from strength to strength. they grow in strength as they continue through these valleys and from strength more strength is found. We have victory through the valleys.

This pilgrimage has indeed been challenging. Life looks very different.  But with valleys come hilltops and I have seen beauty in the hills. 

So goodbye 2020 and the Year of Pilgrimage. I can look back at this lonely journey having learned much about myself and my family and my God. I am definitely changed.

Remember the former things, those of long ago;
    I am God, and there is no other;
    I am God, and there is none like me.

¹⁰ 

I make known the end from the beginning,
    from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
    and I will do all that I please.

ISAIAH 46:9-10

These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

PSALM 42:4

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 

because I hear about your love for all his holy people

 and your faith in the Lord Jesus. 

PHILEMON 4

WORDS FOR THE WEEKEND

All the ends of the earth
    will remember and turn to the Lord,
and all the families of the nations
    will bow down before him,

²⁸ 

for dominion belongs to the Lord
    and he rules over the nations.

PSALM 22:27-28

2019 ~ THE YEAR TO.....

The start of a new year.

New challenges.

A new word.

As always, I spent a lot of time praying for and thinking on this new word. There were a number of options that presented themselves, early on, followed by weeding and pruning. Nuances are so important to me as I consider each word and weigh them in the balance. It is a process before it finally settles in.

So here we are, 2019, the year to...…..

There are a few definitions that I am hoping to explore. To do so means, creating new habits. Taking on responsibility. Choosing, with intention, what I pursue.

REFLECT : [ri-flekt]

                  :  to think, meditate, or ponder 

                  :  remembering experiences 

It is important to remember the past. 

The people. 

The times. 

The lessons learned.

To cherish the memories. 

Take time to look back.

REFLECT :  to consider something deeply and thoroughly

                  :  to estimate the worth of

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?

Psalm 77:11-13

Spending time with the Creator. Thinking on His works. Meditating on HIM!! Being present in His presence. Not just remembering but anticipating!

REFLECT :  to be reflected or mirrored.

                  :  to give back or show an image

As water reflects the face,
    so one’s life reflects the heart.

Proverbs 27:19

Created in the image of God. Knit together with a plan and a purpose.

Being conformed to the image of His Son.

As I grow, I hope that my heart reflects the living God transforming me. From ashes to beauty. 

Remember. Ponder. Meditate. Consider. REFLECT. 

2019, I'm ready.  

ALMOST THE END

Well here we are.

Almost the end of another year.

In a few minutes the hands of time will move us into the new but for now, I am looking back over 2018. The year to CHOOSE.

There are lots of choices we make in life. And this year was full of choices. Some I liked and others I didn't and then there were the circumstances in which I had no influence but the choice of how I would respond.

Choose Joy. 

Choose Grace. (This one I put my wall as a reminder that ALL is grace.)

Choose Life.

Choose to serve.

Choose whom you will serve.

This was a hard year for so many reasons. 

This year we faced loss on many levels and in multiple ways. 

Yet, I choose to trust in the One in whom I have placed ALL of my hope. I choose to follow even when the end is unclear. I choose peace in the midst of the storm. 

I choose joy, through the tears in which I end 2018, but filled the hopefulness of all that 2019 will bring. 

WORDS FOR THE WEEKEND

He tends his flock like a shepherd:

    He gathers the lambs in his arms

and carries them close to his heart;

    he gently leads those that have young.

Isaiah 40:11

CHOOSE ~ THE LONGINGS

Yesterday, during the morning service, at church, we sang this beloved hymn. What precious words Fanny Crosby penned. How often over these last few years has eternity and the loss of loved ones brought me back to the hope of a precious reunion with our loved ones.

Between Braelyn and Colby, we lost a baby early in my pregnancy. Drew named that precious one, Jason Lee. Healer from the sacred places. A brother for Drew because God answers prayer. Jason has never been forgotten. We still talk about him. Their brother in Heaven.

He has a tree planted in our back yard. A white lilac.

He has ornaments for our Christmas Tree.

A life verse...

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 138:15-16

A song....

....I can't imagine heaven's lullabies

And what they must sound like

But I will rest in knowing

Heaven is your home

And it's all you'll ever know

All you'll ever know

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you....

....You'll just have heaven before we do....

And even as I sang that song on repeat for days and then revisited for months and years, allowing the healing to wash over me, there was a piece of me that was not quite satisfied. A desperate desire to see Jason and a longing to hold him filled me. The sadness of this loss often overcame me and even today listening to his song and singing, with my eyes closed, tears run rivers down my cheeks. 

And yesterday as I thought on McKenna's sweet best friend that went home fourteen months ago, and my dear friend's granddaughter, two weeks ago, and Léo's co-workers son, last week. And it is easy to say, that we are just at that age. But these are young lives. Lives that leave holes and it hurts.

And I long to see those precious ones, whose place cannot be filled. And I don't exactly know how it all works in eternity but I know that my beloved ones are there and I can't wait to see them.

BUT that hymn gave me pause. I sang the words but I am challenged by them. 

1. Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
   And our parting at the river I recall;
   To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
   But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

"But I long to meet my Savior first of all." Do I?

'cause I know I can't wait to see my baby boy. and Aunt Linda. Abuella and Abuello and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends... So many loved ones that I miss. So many that will go home before this year is out. And for the rest of my days, there will be the loved and the lost and the longing.

But do I love these more than my Saviour?

The One who gave up heaven and sacrificed His life and prepares a place for me? My Redeemer. 

I never wanted to be "so heavenly minded that I was no earthly good" but am I so earthly minded that I lose sight of this? 

These are my ponderings...I CHOOSE that for which I long.