Peace and Restoration

"The right kind of guilt, the kind planted inside us by God's Spirit, leads us to repentance. Leads us to change. Leads us to the forgiveness of God. It leads to peace. but when you become more and more tangled in shame without a way out, without real access to repentance and forgiveness, then you are closing the door to God and to His restoration. there are few things more destructive than unrelenting shame." Tessa Afshar

I keep coming back to this. Often we become more and more tangled in shame when we allow our sin to stay in a dark place. When we think we can figure it out. When their is no accountability. Even past sin that we are no longer tempted by, can still be a source of shame. Fear of being found out. Rejected. Condemned. Often we have taken these to the Lord and handed them over but in our hearts have held on to them in the unforgiveness of self.

If I believe that God has washed me white as snow and has removed my sin as far as the East is from the West, why then do I find it so hard to forgive myself?

I serve the one and true God. The one whose power parted the Red Sea, and caused the walls of Jericho to fall. Who spoke the world out of nothing and whose angel destroyed Sennecharib's army of 185.000 in one night.

This same God forgave David and David was known as a man after God's own heart. He forgave Rahab and Jonah and the Samaritan woman and the thief on the Cross. Are my sins so great that He is not mighty enough to forgive me? Is Christ's blood not powerful enough to wash me white as snow? When I hold onto my sin and refuse to forgive myself and let go, I am doubting the Sovreignty and Grace of the Creator. The Holy One.

I no longer walk in unrelenting shame. Nor can I walk in pride. But rather, in humbleness for the grace bestowed upon me. That which I don't deserve, freely poured out.

Jeremiah 9:23-24 “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
   or the strong boast of their strength
   or the rich boast of their riches,
²⁴ but let the one who boasts boast about this:
   that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
   justice and righteousness on earth,
   for in these I delight,”
            declares the LORD.